Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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