I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
