we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
