From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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