Screwed.edu
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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