hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
