return my video game
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
