My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
