so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
