Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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