There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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