giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
