Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We need a shit load of segways right now
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
