I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
