Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Randomize
