Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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