i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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