Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
