There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
