what day is it and did you see me today?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
