Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
