So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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