one might say we're banned from that church
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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