every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm getting married
To pizza
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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