I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
