I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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