i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just threw up on my dentist
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
