She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
