I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
