just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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