we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
