i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
