I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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