I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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