id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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