He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
