Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
