Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
