so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
