i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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