Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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