I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
