Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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