my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
