Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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