my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
