I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize