I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
