i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
