who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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