Did you just see the Batmobile???
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
