So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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