you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
