As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
