Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
