Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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