its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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