why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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