Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He felt like a one man threesome
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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