Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
