You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
