You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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