So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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