She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
