she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
