No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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