EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
