So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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