I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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