u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think I am morally bankrupt
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
