I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
