Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
