I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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