You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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